Marriage?
He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
Matthew 19:4–6
Watching my parents go through a divorce was an experienced that molded my view on marriage, and it was not the actual event of divorce but rather the years of no communication and using their children as pawns that molded this change. The strange thing is that they are both professing Christians, but you wouldn’t gather that by their actions (James 1:22–23).
From my own experience in relationships (all be it not many): I have also first-hand experience the result of poor communication. When a couple tries to fill an emotional and spiritual void with physical connections, the voids only exponentially perpetuate themselves. Here are a few things that I’ve come to find important, for me, in a relationship (this list is not exhaustive):
- Individual, spiritual maturity; that is, the ability to be self-sufficient (1 Corinthians 7:32–35), but exhort one other.
- A smart, inquisitive woman; an individual that thinks for themselves.
- Communication beyond simple discussion, but the ability to discuss what moves each other. A profound level of understanding that is inexpressible unless one has had this experience.
- Unconditional love (1 Corinthians 13:4–7).
- “Seek to establish a similar marital philosophy and goals before getting married. Make sure that you’re both thinking alone the same lines since it will help to prevent or reduce any future confusion about leadership roles in the home, child-rearing, and the numerous issues that newly-married couples must face.“1
- Mutual respect (Ephesians 5:33) and a desire for compromise.
- A woman that does want to be led spiritually (Ephesians 5:23, 32).
- Similar interests and passions but yet varying enough to challenge each other.
- The understanding that divorce is not an option.
Personally, the most important is someone who thinks for themselves. I have had incredible relationships with people younger and much older than I just because of the intellectual connections I established with them. Now I need to be careful of looking for only one thing in a potential mate; especially since, as a believer in Christ Jesus, I need to find someone who holds Christ in the highest regard. I still struggle with desiring to wrap my mind around every subject, including this one.
The main part of the quote from Matthew speaks of the unity between a man and woman: â??â?¦and they shall become one flesh.â? What exactly does this mean? How does this concept of oneness contribute to a successful relationship? I didnâ??t see this addressed so Iâ??d like to take it up. Let me know what you think Chris!
God, being the infinite creator he is, decides to Be, and then he decides to individuate himself. Now we have a bunch of gods running around, but, they still know that they are each other in the sense that they know they have one source, i.e. the Father. What happens when they forget that they share a source?
Well first of all, why in the hell would God decide to individuate in the first place? To play games would be the logical answerâ??canâ??t play when thereâ??s no one to play with. But what kinds of games would develop when the gods forget their common origin, when they begin to falsely believe that they are separate?
Here we have the birth of the win/lose type of game. You see, before, when each being really knew that it was really One Being, there could only be win/win types of games going on. After all, no one wants to make themselves loseï? But after theyâ??ve forgotten, they all still want to win, naturally. However, falsely believing they have nothing to do with one another, each being no longer cares whether winning means making others lose.
Now, back to how this affects relationshipsâ?¦marriage, like everything else, is a game. And naturally both parties are interested in winning. But if you come into the relationship without knowledge of the fact that you are one being (in other words, without knowledge of God) then youâ??re marriage will devolve into a games where one partner wins and the other loses. And this is the real reason why couples get divorcedâ??no oneâ??s winning anymore.
Furthermore, Chris you mentioned your parents “using children as pawns.” Sounds like they were using you and your siblings to make each other lose. Also, you made a great observation when you said that substituting sensuality for spiritual connection creates voids that are exponential (the insight of a great mind:). This also proves what I said in my previous comment. When you have gods (notice the lower-case ‘g’) being bodies, the way in which they immortalize themselves is by procreation. Two bodies coming together creating one body–you can see how this imitates the experience of one beingness. But it’s not quite, it’s a substitute, as you said!
The phrase: “one flesh” signifies the importance of marriage. This concept of ‘oneness’ is important, and yields successful relationships because you are out for the other and not just yourself. This applies for how you view marriage as a game of sorts (and I do not); the problem was that my parents viewed it that way and it lead to devastating results. Number 6 on my list contains the attribute of “compromise;” this implies that a “game to find a winner” is not the way I view relationships at all. As for your comment: “God decide to individuate in the first place,” that is contingent on your new age beliefs, Christianity, nor I, holds such beliefs.
Compromise = co-promise = mutual goal-making. A game is made up of three components: freedom, barrier(s) and a goal(s). A couple makes mutual goals and working with a certain amount of freedom overcomes barriers to achieve the mutual goal. Making a compromise in itself proves the presence of a game. Example: being faithful. Both parties make a promise to remain faithful (the goal). The barriers? Temptation in all its manifold manifestations. The freedom? Well, you_don’t_have_to_be faithful–it is a choice. Creating the goal is what essentially creates the game. It defines the freedom and the barriers involved.
Monotheists must hold to this individuation idea. How can the world of creation be “outside” of God (then again, how can God be within the world of creation?)? I think the Sufi Ibn ‘Arabi solved this with his complementary concepts of tashbih (transcendence) and tanzih (immanence). But like I’ve said before, Christian thinking in general only holds to the transcendence of God and this a logical fallacy. For if God is omnipotent, he can neither be said to be in space and time nor outside space and time.
Furthermore, to try and hold that God exists even is a logical fallacy. For by saying that He exists you are also saying he does not “not-exist.” Your limiting God by saying that He exists, you’re conditioning Him. Now I’m not saying God couldn’t be conditional, or that He couldn’t be finite. But the typical conception of the Christian God is that He is unconditioned–He would have to be if one were interested in maintaining his omnipotence.