Finding “The One”
I have been asked several times whether I think there is "One" for every person (in terms of a relationship) or if that is not true. Many of those who I have the discussion with tend toward the ideology that while there might be someone you work well with, it could just have easily have happened with thousands of others. I wonder about the validity of this claim in terms of God's sovereignty.
God did not want Hagar to work for Abraham in giving a child of the promise; He wanted it specifically to come through Sarai (later Sarah). In fact, Abraham's belief in God's promise to give to Sarah was the mode of his justification/imputation (Gen 15:1-6). God wanted to show that He could and would remain faithful to His covenant despite seemingly impossible circumstances.
Ruth and Boaz was strategic. It was not as though God wanted Ruth to be with anyone else other than Boaz. King Ahasuerus and Esther is another great example. Esther was meant specifically to be risen to the place of power to prevent Haman from destroying the Jews. God did not want the King to rise up Vashti but Esther (Est 2:17). I could go on with other examples such as David and Bathsheba (to show God's pardoning of iniquity, Psa 51) and Hosea and Gomer (to show God's covenant faithfulness, Hos 3:3-5), but there is an even greater example.
The Bride of Christ is not meant to be a random chance of people coming in. The doctrine of election tells me specifically that there is a specific number, name, and purpose for the Bride of Christ (cf. the Book of Life in Revelation). God raised up those people to bring to Himself for a specific purpose. There are not thousands of people that could've worked in God's eternal plan of union between His Son and His redeemed.
The meticulous sovereignty tells me that God plans for us to be with one person or maybe no one at all. Therefore, I am led to a Biblical conclusion that if there is someone out there then it will be "The One."
Nov 25th 2005 
12 Comments 
Nov 25th 2005
Interesting blog! I truly believe there is one person out there. And there's only one way to find her. And that's to marry her. That's "the one" God meant for you to be with the rest of your life. If you think any other way, during any argument or trouble in marriage, there would be this doubt in one's mind that they married the wrong one. Or meet a really interesting girl that one may find more "compatible" and become dissatisfied of the "wife of your youth". Anyway, it's an interesting thing to ponder.
By the way... my wife and I would love to know... who are you? :)
Nov 25th 2005
Thanks for your comments Rich! The About page will tell you all you'd like to know about me.
Nov 26th 2005
And how does one go about finding the one?
As a separate question, how does a Calvinist evangelize?
For those interested, a very provocative book on this issue is "Decision Making and the Will of God" by Gary Freisen.
Nov 26th 2005
Simon, let's see... how do you go about finding one? There's several ways... you can fall a sleep, wake up with a sore side and find a naked woman next to you. That would be 'the one'. Or you can fall asleep, wake up, and find a woman sleeping at the foot of your bed. Do something funky with your sandel with her closest relative and she'll become 'the one'. Or you can get your servent to go out and find you 'the one'. Then work 14 years to gain the right to marry her (after you married her ugly sister). Or you can pray to God but He may have you marry a prostitute. :) Joking aside, my advice is not to wait for 'the one'. I've heard of waiting on the Lord, but not waiting for 'the one'. Waiting implies inaction. God is soveriegn. Put 'the one' into His hands and He'll take care of the matter for you. But don't wait. Pursue the Lord with all your heart and enjoy the time He has you in right now. Learn all you can to prepare for that special girl and keep yourself clean without a hint of sexual impurity. Trust in the Lord and He'll guide your paths. And on that path toward Him, you will more than likely pick up a gift from God (a prudent wife) but it will happen on His time. And believe me, if you pursue God and keep yourself from sexual sin, God WILL bless you. Only very godly women are attracted to a godly man with those kind of pursuits.
Chris, I was asking who you were because you left a message on our blog. Since only friends and family know about the blog (and I guess everyone else now since I put the blog as my website) and a better question for me to ask is: how do we know you? or how do you know us?
Nov 26th 2005
Well, Rich gave you all you need to know Simon. I do not think that "waiting implies inaction." Actually, quite to the contrary. Simon, how else would go about finding the one? The same way God brings about everything: provides the conditions necessary for that action to come about. Oh wait, sorry forgot you would think that everything would come about as the result of an infinite amount of worlds with agents endowed with Libertarian freedom in which God 'passively' determined which one would come about. =)
Rich, I don't remember how I found your site. Probably just browsing. I can remove your website address from the blog if you wish.
Simon: how does a Calvinist evangelize? Like an Arminian.
How does one discover the will of God? Read the Bible. (pet peeve #1: resorting to other books outside of the Bible to discern the "will" of God.)
Nov 26th 2005
Chris: By no means remove our website from the blog. We were just curious. That's all. We LOVE visitors to our website and my wife expecially loves comments on her blogs! Thanks for stopping by. My bro-in-law is also in the air force but he's stationed in Rapid City, SD.
Also love your site. I never knew your Wordpress blog theme even existed. Really neat features!
I read your "About" page. Seem like a cool guy. Before I got married, I did the skydiving and hanggliding thing but then I moved out of my mom and dad's house and didn't have enough money to really pursue it. My wife would love to go someday so I'll have to take her before we have kids. There are SEVERAL places around here to do that kind of stuff.
If you're ever in south Tenn, look me up.
Nov 28th 2005
I asked a serious question but only got sarcastic and pompous replies ... maybe I didn't really ask the question in the right way. I didn't ask it because I don't know the answer. I asked it because I want to know what you think the answer is, Chris - given your view that God has a person in mind for everyone.
If it is true that God has one person in mind for everyone to marry, then how does one go about finding that person? Where, in the Bible, does one find the name of the One person God has in mind?
Also, Decision Making and the Will of God is not a book that tells you what the will of God is - it is a book that argues against the idea that God has an individual blueprint for each individuals life that one must discover before one makes decisions. Freisen argues that decision making is best done under the Wisdom model.
Lastly, "provides the conditions necessary for that action to come about" is a rough description of Molinism. You're slowly turning from the dark side. :)
Nov 28th 2005
Simon, Hi! I don't know you and I deffinitely can't give you Chris's perspective, but I can *cough* deffinitely give you mine? (Incidentally, Chris, I thought this was a pretty insightful post and I agree with most of it.)
My point of view is: Why is the question of finding a spouse, or the right spouse, so much different from asking for God's direction in any other aspect of our lives?
I think we'll all agree that God has *a* perfect will for our lives (we might disagree on whether or not that's the ONLY will for our lives, but I digress). Then it follows, logically, that this "One" person who we are to spend the rest of our life with -- Or this *lack* of "One" person is intricately woven into this perfect will, yes?
To find that then, all we have to do is *keep* ourselves in God's will (granted, if you happen to believe that God only has one will for you, then I suppose you're already set XP).
Personally, I think all the "Courting v. Dating" and "Well I need to be proactive to find "the one" v. God will bring them to me" attitudes are pretty irrelavant. And I also think it's evidence of how often (and easily!) relationships can take on a form of idolatry (I know *I'm* guilty of that.)
Instead of saying "God, I want your will for my life" we start thinking, "God, I want your will, but it would be reeeeaaaaally nice if I were in a relationship too, you know?" to "God, WHY am I NOT in a relationship RIGHT NOW!?" or by the reverse token I have conversations with people who tell me "I know what I'm doing isn't right, and I feel SOO convicted as soon as he/she goes home, BUT when they're there, I don't care!" The former people spend so much time questioning God that they miss what he's putting in front of them, and the latter are so assured that they've found "the one" that their "use" for God (that is -- God will show me who I'm going to marry) is no longer (or so they think.)
I say that to say this: If you're *inside* God's will, then you WILL meet that one person (or come to the realization that you can live without one). The danger lies in seeking *after* that one person at the *expense* of God's will. Which is a very very tempting thing to do. One of the reasons, I think, that the divorce rates are so high inside the church as outside is the fact that the church tends to totally ignore this issue or brushes it aside as insignificant. The church tells kids stating in their teens to "wait", but they don't tell them what to wait for. What a stupid thing to tell people (especially teenagers -- some of the most impatient people around)! People are so scared of lonliness (sidenote: and letting their fear of lonliness rule their lives) and so willing to "settle" for someone temporarily, that they have NO desire to wait. Instead of telling them to "wait" they should tell them to LIVE. Focus on God, talk to him, lose yourself in his word and live for HIM. Fall in love with him first and your lonliness will dissapear. God's timing IS perfect, and to paraphrase, all things work together for good for those who love him :) What "good" means just depends on the timing ~.^
Nov 29th 2005
First, Simon yes you got a pompous reply, because I thought you were being sarcastic originally. But to engage your question seriously.
I do not necessarily think God has one person in mind for everyone, He very well could have no one. I know, for instance, that you are thinking seriously about your own relationship. It is rather a mystery how God brings us to those people, but as for each of the Biblical characters I mentioned, each one of them was seeking after the Lord of Hosts (I can even make a case for Adam). God granted the people to them to, in effect, complete their ministry for Him. I believe that when you find "the one" you will know, because you that you will complete one another in your desire for serving God. See my other article: "What about Obedient Marriage?"
As for Ashley. Maybe my Calvinistic theology is whirling here, but when are we ever outside of God's will? It seems like one of the greatest spiritual lies we can trap ourselves in that we can somehow majestically move in and out of God's will. We can lose focus, but we never leave His will.
PS. That's a rough description of Molinism? That's a description of philosophical determinism. Last time I check they're not complementary!
Nov 29th 2005
;D I think it's just our difference of opinion as far as that goes. I think our basic thought difference lies in this: I believe that God is always soveriegn, and always knows what's best for us, and can always step in and start pulling strings if we as humans screw things up. However, we, as humans *do* have that rather nasty habit of screwing things up (which he sovereignly gives us the ability to do). It's my personal opinion that when you disobey God, you are not stepping out of his soveriegnty -- because you can't, but you ARE stepping outside of his will -- or his perfect desire for us.
I'm pretty sure that you believe that God only has one will for our life and we're living it out, right?
Nov 29th 2005
Thinking about God's will hurts my brain.
Nov 30th 2005
Yay for Ashley Keen's explaination of things!