In the Head
- I can't believe how busy I am. It is becoming overwhelming, because I never used to actually think about it (it kept me from going crazy); but now it just seems more and more stressful. Today, I left the house at 7:30 and didn't get back until 10:30. That's 15 hours! I even took a nap, in my car, in the library parking lot between meeting with a friend and my class. I'm growing weary of this schedule.
- I had a great conversation with Matt last night about the emerging church. It was encouraging, because he was evaluating the very church he goes to. I shared my vision with him over eklektos. We'll see if that goes anywhere. I feel a stronger and stronger pull towards it.
- I'm seeking out a couple of guys to disciple. I'm worried about male leadership for Bridges next year, and I just want to work with some freshman. It would be good to give back what I've been given.
- Watch these short films from the Caleb Project on missions. Read this article on postmodernism and this article over covenant theology on Rom 9:1-13.
- I'm going to lead a topical (co-ed) study over the break over the Biblical basis for missions (BBOM). It'll be over 4-5 weeks which is my most ambitious endeavor yet with the BBOM.
- I'm starting to think deeply about what I'm going to do upon graduation. It's starting to sink in that it will finally happen. I'm ready to expand my ministry beyond WSU.
- I'm enjoying my singleness right now. While so many of my other friends are chasing around an "Mrs." or "Mr." degree, I'm thoroughly enjoying the freedom I have now. My interests are not divided right now.
- I'm learning right now at incredible rates. Intellectual stamina is kind of like a marathon runner: they run, and it hurts, for a while; but eventually they get "above" the pain. But of course, it's a hard crash back down. I'm learning so much right now that I'm past the intellectual frusturation stage. I'm also finally able to develop arguments that go beyond simple rhetoric which is what my debating style has consisted of thus far.
- My brother gets married in a few weeks (the 19th), and it's weird. Doing the bachelor party next weekend.
- I feel like I have to "prove" to other people that I'm spiritual. It's because I'm often, and I mean often, attacked by other believers that I have everything in "my head" and not "in my heart." It really hurts to hear that. Really hurts. Oh well, I'm not hear to impress men.
- And lastly, but most importantly, I"ve been meditating on what it means to have the righteousness of Christ. What a beautiful Man He was. I still marvel at Christ. Why would He want to have anything to do with me?
Nov 3rd 2005 
9 Comments 
Nov 3rd 2005
You have all that going on in your head right now?!!! Maybe you should give your brain some much-needed rest. :)
Nov 4th 2005
Speaking of "heads," I thought you might appreciate this particular verse. 2 Tim 4:5 "But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry."
:-) G&P
Nov 4th 2005
Wow, I'm feeling you, especially on numbers 1, 7, and 10.
Nov 4th 2005
God is gonna reveal to you what needs to happen when it needs to happen. Patience bro.
Nov 4th 2005
Not like I need to tell you this, but God will get you through this. He'll straighten out all that that is going through your head. Another thing you might want to consider is that everyone is probably thinking things just like this. Banding together and asking God for guidance with your fellow stresser-outers might be a very amazing thing to do. As for the leadership in Bridges, let God call who he wants to call to that. Don't feel like you need to be searching out this other person. Just let God bring them to you. It will all work out!!
I love you, bro. B
Nov 4th 2005
I want to be a part of that topical study.. let me know more info when you know. Secondly, I am really coming to enjoy my own singleness, the freedom of it as you said. It used to feel like such a burden but in reality it isn't. It is a huge blessing. I have had so many great God and me times lately and it is becoming easier just to focus on His will and that's it. I would not trade that time for anything. I do desire to marry someday but for now I am content as I am. I can also relate to you in what you said in number 10. While no one has said that to me, I feel like I have to prove something to those around me.. It seems like I am the only one struggling and it frustrates me. I have come to grips finally within the past few weeks that everyone struggles and I need to strive to please God and God alone. I will disappoint myself as well as other men constantly and even God. He sees your heart, He sees mine. And, He knows where you and I both stand. Keep pressing on brother, keep those eyes focused. Grace, peace and mercy be upon you this day. -Alecia
Nov 5th 2005
I totally relate to number 11 at the moment. Why did God lift me from the pit I had dug myself into? I was ugly, and battered, and covered in filth and rags and he looked into my eyes and saw...beauty. That still amazes me. To look back at the past and see where we have come from..and to realize that it was a whole lifetime ago, and you are literally not the same person.
Will we ever trully grasp how much God loves us? How easy I forget...bogged down by the mundane.
Nov 5th 2005
"I began to see a God so majestic and so free and so absolutely soveriegn that my analysis merged into worship and the Lord said, in effect, 'I will not simply be analyzed, I will be adored. I will not simply be pondered, I will be proclaimed. My soveriegnty is not simply to be scrutinized, it is to be heralded. It is not grist for the mill of controversy, it is the gospel for winners who know that their only hope is the soveriegn triumph of God's grace over their rebellious will.'" ~John Piper
Funny, this quote is taken from a sermon Piper preached on Romans 9. I think I am starting to see how you can be blessed by it. I appreciate your deep pondering because God has really used you to speak to me. This has been a long and frustrating season and without people like you to remind me of the Truth I think I'd be even more confused than I am now!
So don't be discouraged by those who want you to conform to their idea of spirituality. Why should an ear act like an eye? Besides, we're commanded to love God with our mind. Heart, soul, mind, and strength. All. Not just one or a few. All.
BTW, I totally support you in the eklektos vision God has given you. :)
Nov 6th 2005
Wow, I got tired just reading that. I can't imagine thinking it all at once.