On Worshiping Relationships
We all too often idolize these fictitious relationships we have in our minds. My fantasy revolves around a woman who holds firmly to the Doctrines of Grace and Lordship of Christ. On top of that, they will have a great, burning desire to make sure all of God’s creation hears the proclamation of the Cross. Physically this woman will be a little shorter than I, long straight hair, defined cheek bones, curvy, and a smile that comforts you that everything will be all right. The “cute” girl look melts me.
As you can see, I have built an idol. Now this doesn’t mean she doesn’t exist, but I’ve defined what I want out of a woman so specifically that I instantly run all new women I meet through these criteria. It’s almost as if I meet every woman and think first, “could this be the one?” It has impeded a lot of really good friendships from growing, because I was more worried about sizing her up to see if we were “compatible.” And the worst part is that I know it’s bad, and yet I still continue to do it with every single woman I meet (sometimes this deliberation goes on for quite a while).
The worst part is when I sacrifice my spiritual desires in a woman for the fleshly. I’ll say, “wow, she’s so hot! Hmmm… I can play missionary boyfriend.” Really bad news. But this has been a problem, because for some reason I’ve always been more interested in non-Christian women then believers. This puzzles me. I have these deep desires and needs to be with someone who has the same spiritual goals, but I play them down for some reason in Christian woman I do find. Maybe the flesh pulling at me?
But as I learn more about why I act the way I do, I am beginning to learn more about what I should want. I have found that a true believer that radiates the Spirit is far more beautiful then someone who might be more fleshly beautiful. And i don’t say this to be pretentious, I say it out of true conviction. A woman that true loves God and seeks to glorify Him in all she does is so sexy! Maxim’s got nothing on something of the women I know!
Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
Proverbs 31:30
T’is easy to build idols for that particular guy as well. I think it may be more difficult for me in a sense because I have never dated. I catch myself wondering sometimes if basically every guy I meet who loves the Lord is the “one”. A wise friend once told me to ask God to help me see each of these as He does, my brother and friend and His son, first and foremost. This is becoming a little easier, but lately I am just blown away at how many good, godly guys do in fact exist. I used to think they were some fairy tale written about in the Bible and that was it. It is good to see some guys like yourself, Matt Martin, Bobby Fleck, my dear friend, Jordan Jacobsen as well as a few other CC guys that I have been blessed to become friends with, that love the Lord so much and pursue Him actively on a daily basis.
On another note, I think it may be easier for me than someone who has dated. I have nothing to compare that relationship I hope to have someday to nothing more than what the Bible defines and lays out that a man should be. Anyway… just my thoughts… Keep that Proverbs 31 woman in mind and keep talking to God about it… In His timing, someone may just come up and out of nowhere and blow you away.
Grace and peace my brother and friend. –Alecia
Keep that “Paul-like” man on your mind as well. This is a good quality of a man: “…I bear on my body the brand-marks of Jesus” (Gal 6:17).
Good thinking Chris…Keep yoru eyes on Him first and foremost. Anyways, when you look for it, it doesn’t come anyways!
So, does this mean what I think it means? (wink, wink!)
Well, as for me and non-christian guys, It’s so easy to get confused with wanting the best for a person and wanting them to know God’s love and getting far “too close” for comfort (especially since non-christian guys are definitely attracted in the fact that I’m not like most other girls they meet). But as for you, maybe christian girls are a little uncomfortable? I have guy friends who want an amazing woman of God as a wife, but are kind of scared at the same time, because they are afraid of hurting her or messing up or being challenged, and not sure if they are ready for that challenge yet…not that I’m trying to be a pyscho-analyst or anything.
Lo siento if I have offended you.
Wow, I am so amazed by your transparency and vulnerability. Thanks for sharing. And I am totally with you on it all. It’s hard to keep your eyes on God alone when you’re looking around for “the right one” all the time. And it’s so hard to remember that what makes a person attractive is more than what you can see with your eyes, it’s their life and how they give back to God what has been given them. I know that I also struggle with remembering to let God’s standards be mine. But God is good, and He is faithful. Don’t loose the hope that God has a Proverbs 31 girl out there for you!