Still Jealous
I spoke with my significant other today, and she said that she was going to see the new Batman flick (sigh) with a guy that hit on her a couple of weeks ago. I was already in a mode of jealous anticipation, and it seems now that I have blossomed it. Jealousy is simply one of the worst feelings any human can experience, and the horrible fact is that it stems only out my insecurity and lack of trust.
I'm completely at a loss on where I should go or what I should do. I am not getting involvement in the community here in Pasadena, I'm "theologically fly-swatting" everything that is being said, and I'm extremely homesick to the point of misery. I was talking with one of the staff today at dinner, and talking with him a few things became evident:
- The source of my misery has root in nothing else besides myself.
- I am worshiping my relationship and not God.
- I need to pop my ego concerning doctrine.
- And lastly, I need to grow up.
One thing is becoming clearer: if Stephanie does leave me while I'm away, then I gather it would be better to find that out early then to find out later. If I continue to worship my fleshly relationship with her, then I will cease to grow completely. I don't know where to go or what to do anymore with my relationship. I have this deep-down down fear that it will not last over this summer, and as a result I keep obsessing about it.
My prayer life has dried up. I feel as though I'm talking to the wall. That really needs to turn around. I'm involved in the praise band playing the Djembe. Good times.
Jun 12th 2005 
7 Comments 
Jun 13th 2005
11 When you discipline a man
with rebukes for sin,
you consume like a moth what is dear to him;
surely all mankind is a mere breath! Selah
12 “Hear my prayer, O Lord,
and give ear to my cry;
hold not your peace at my tears!
(Psalm 39)
I'll pray for you today brother. Grace and peace in Christ, Aaron
Jun 13th 2005
Chris, all things you already know, but a good reminder:
The Enemy will work overtime whenever you are positioning yourself to be used by God. Remain steadfast. Know your strength is God and not yourself. If He is with you, who can be against you? No one.
That the things you listed became evident to you is a good sign that you are not going to be taken over by the dark side of the force (I'm a nerd).
I will continue to remember you in my prayers.
PS - I will send you the debate contract soon. I apologize that it has taken this long.
Jun 13th 2005
and i'm going to leave you because? give me some credit.
here's the thing, chris...
I LOVE YOU.
that's all there is to it and i'm not going to run off with some other guy. it's true that we've only been dating for a month and 9 days, but it's been a wonderful month and 9 days that i wouldn't trade for anything. i need you in my life , even if i have to settle for the whole long-distance thing for a while.
i love you enough to understand and respect your decision to go on this mission, and i still do. i'm willing to support you in whatever you feel you should do for the glory of GOD. end of story.
i feel as though you think i will start seeing other people, and i will not. all of my male friends understand that i have a boyfriend and they have not and will not interfere with that. period.
it's true that i miss you so much sometimes i would rather sob on the kitchen floor than go to dinner with friends, but the only comforting thought is that you are coming back to me.
i will get through this and i will be with you once more.
-your girlfriend
(hope this posting didn't sound crazy, i wanted to go a little further with it, but i will not)
Jun 13th 2005
I don't think you have anything to worry about.
P.S. I thought Steph was going to go with me to see Batman.
Perry Stephen Poteet XVII
Jun 13th 2005
Hold on, are you saying there is a new Batman movie? Who is playing Batman?!
Jun 13th 2005
we're all going together . i thought it would be exciting if we were in a group, like a gang! holler!
christian bale is playing batman this time.
Jun 13th 2005
I want to see the new Batman movie... (sigh) ...too busy with course work. Thanks for the encouragement guys.