Imperishable Inheritance

It seems as who I am and where I am going is transforming everything around me. I no longer know where I am going, where I am, or where I want to be. I thought I had it all together, but You finding me has changed everything in my life. Where do you want me to go? Why does the reflection in the mirror not look the same?

I feel, through emotions I never trust, that You want me to change the world. To move a people, Your people, to see new things and hear You in ways that you intended. Why did You even bother with me? It would've been so much easier to let me go; to not mold me into a vessel of confusion, pain, and disillusionment. What was there in me that You that separated me from the others?

As I attempt to replace my desires for myself for You, I find an incredible amount of trial in doing so. Some think that they have less of a story to tell, because they haven't done drugs, or had an eating problem, or practiced a bunch of erroneous religions and philosophies. They don't understand how fortunate they are; as if my relationship with you was to be as dramatic as possible. I look for a life free from drama under Your majestic hand.

If I am meant to struggle for You, then I am ready. Nail me to the ground. Take away everything I have. Strip me of my pride, worldly desires, and thoughts that do not glorify Your name. I cry Your name in my thoughts and in my dreams. I'm sorry that I question You; I'm sorry that I do not praise unceasingly praise You; I'm sorry that I do not speak fervently with everyone I meet about you. Please forgive me. Please cover me.