What About Obedient Marriage?
In the stage of my life that I am in right now, I am confronted with the monumental decision of what will I do? Should I stay in the government? Should I leave information technology? Should I go to seminary? Maybe I should go on staff with The Traveling Team? But the prevailing problem I've noticed in most of my friends are their priorities in deciding the path that they will take.
I have asked a lot of my Christian friends about what they are going to do after graduation, and I have yet to have one single person start with concerns for their ministry over earthly desires. I keep asking in hopes that one day I'll get an answer along the lines of, "well, I must make a decision where my ministry can be the focal point of my life." And this ideology creeps over into the thoughts on marriage in the Christian community. The most important question in marriage should be: Should I marry, and if I do how can we align visions in our ministries?
I heard a man by the name of Tim Lewis, who is the president of William Carey International University, on project for one of our Perspectives classes. He spoke very briefly about his philosophy on "strategic marriage." That is, how can marriage be used as a strategic force to better exalt Christ and further the Gospel? In one of the most quoted chapters of the Bible on marriage, this was the very emphasis of Paul:
But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and his interests are divided. The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband.
1 Corinthians 7:32-34
Paul directly deals with the fact that marriage can detract us from our ultimate purpose--fulfilling the call of God in our ministries. It is when we become married that "our interests become divided." We must utilize marriage as an act of obedience to fulfill the proclamation of Christ. In this, we can strive to avoid our interests being divided from serving Christ in our marriages.
In fact, way back when God created Eve for Adam: "Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him" (Gen 2:18). But Adam need a helper, but for what?
God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. God blessed them; and God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth."
Genesis 1:27-28
Eve was given to Adam to help fulfill his ministry! Adam's ministry was to be fruitful and multiply while ruling over the animals! From Sarah bearing Isaac to Abraham to David and Bathsheba to Hosea and Gomer, God providentially provides women to men to fulfill their ministries. It is this understanding that we must have to better understanding the Biblical intention of marriage.
Even though Christ was obviously never married in an earthly sense, God has provided the "Bride" or the Body of Christ to fulfill Christ's ministry to the glory of God the Father: "And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, made ready as a bride adorned for her husband" (Rev 21:2).
I challenge all those my age who are reflecting on marriage to not think of it as something that is meant solely for each other. Marriage is meant for the exaltation of the glory of God. If our marriage does not reflect the love of Christ, and we don't use our marriage as a means to the exaltation of Christ among the nations then our marriage is to be in vain.
Oct 23rd 2005 
7 Comments 
Oct 23rd 2005
Very nicely said. Marriage should reflect the relationship Christ has with the Church. It is to be acted out by the example Christ has given us. If it fails to do that, we must rethink how we're doing it.
Oct 24th 2005
Chris,
This is my struggle with relationships, at the moment. When I wrote in my blog about the relationships in my life, I wasn't talking about it being shallow, which is how it may have come across. I was talking about whether or not a marriage in my case would enhance my ministry. Whether or not God wanted me to be married to be more effective. I think that the biggest thing we all need to remember is patience. God will make everything happen when it needs to happen. Not when we want it, like spoiled children. I need to remember this more than anyone else, I think. I definetly agree with you on this. A marriage is only ment to glorify God, because everything we do is supposed to glorify God. Becky
Oct 24th 2005
Here's something that I heard a year or so ago: Only marry someone if you will serve God better together than apart. I think that this fits with what you're saying. Interesting connection with Christ and the Church being His Bride to fulfill God's purpose. I never made that connection before.
Oct 24th 2005
Alright, so I can post a random comment..but not an important one..let's try this... CoMarriage may be meant to glorify God, but it is also a gift from God for us to enjoy.
I think that if you are called to ministry, then the person you marry is a very important decision...if you marry someone who would rather live a "normal" life, then you are definitely going to be torn between fulfilling what God has called you to do and what your spouse is wanting. So I agree with what you said...but also, keep in mind that marriage is still marriage- and love and attraction are involved. It's not merely an emotional or a commitment thing, but also not just a formulaic thing.
Relationships, especially intimate ones, are infinitely complicated. Relationships with spouses, like our relationship with God, are probably the most complex.
And an interesting note on “helperâ€- I guess the original word is “ezer kenegdo†which all other times in the Bible it is used to describe God, when you need him to come through for you DESPERATELY. So helper is really too mild of a term. Just an interesting side note I learned recently :)
Oct 26th 2005
Relationships and ministry have to go hand in hand I think. A wise man (also my boss and the father of my boyfriend) told me once that the best way to met someone who is like minded with you in ministry is to:
1) Serve God
2) See who you're serving with who is similar in their goals
3) Decided if serving together (in a relationship) is right for you
He said it much more eloquently than I ever will, but you get the idea. Yep, relationships are a struggle...but it is an amazing joy to be a helper and an amazing joy to see both myself and my boyfriend have success in ministry because our hearts beat the same way.
Oct 27th 2005
This is a really interesting post. I suppose I have a unique perspective on this right now since I'm working on month four of twelve of no dating. It's kind of cool that I'm in a different place in life that a lot of the other people I'm graduating with. They seem to feel rushed to get married. When I was dating I felt that way, too. That was actually one of the reasons I stopped to start with. I had no other goals and I was quite selfish. I didn't want to wait for God's timing, I wanted to make my own. It think that that's what most disobedient marriages are all about. Even within equally yolked relationships, I think we sometimes push and maneuver ourselves into situations that make us vulnerable when we don't wait for his timing. A pretty smart guy, when I was still fighting with God about whether to actually swear off dating or to just try and keep a better handle on myself, pointed that out to me.
Personally, I think that when you find the person that God has chosen for you to marry, they will have been expressly chosen to aide your ministry. Unfortunately, people in relationships will often feel like they've found the person that God has chosen long before they actually have. That's why it's important to stay fully grounded in God's will and remember than Eve was given to Adam, they didn't have to search around Eden looking for each other.
Sidenote: Katrina!
Mar 7th 2008
I don't believe that marriage is intended to "help men with their ministries." God is less concerned about our ministries than we think. God intended marrigae to fulfill his ultimate purpose, "to make us like Christ." Two are better than one, the support, working of patience, matration in love, service, submission, developed in marriage are key! Don't go and find a woman just so that she can work alongside you...find a woman that will love and support you...and one that you can love and support...so together you both with be more Christ-like on that glorious day!