Imperishable Inheritance

Of all the bad "Campus Crusade for Christ lingo" my favorite is DTR or Define The Relationship. This is a point where a Christian man approaches a Christian woman (it could never possibly be the other way around), and they have an awkward conversation over their feelings. I have heard much of the "lingo" involved in one of these DTR's, and I find it absolutely hilarious. While it's good to acknowledge intentions, Christians today have taken this concept and turned into something bloated.

Let us look at the graphic to the right. Between numbers 3/4 we usually get the dreaded DTR. It is usually done to distinguish between whether they are a 4 or a 5. As you can see, "dating" (step 6) and being a boy/girlfriend are different steps; what this means I don't know, but there is apparently a difference. Also, you see the importance of "reflection" before embarking on steps 5, 6, and 7. What this means is apparently up to the individual reader. From this DTR track:

When two non-Christians find each other attractive, they "date". Why? Well...because somehow dressing to impress, spending money on overly expensive food or show tickets, and presenting a manufactured self-image through rarely worn "date clothes" while wearing perfume is the best way to find a companion for life. At some point "the talk" happens and the two parties tell each other how they really feel. This happens after a fair amount of games, deception, and "heart-hiding" occurs on both sides. Of course this path can lead to something long-term, maybe even marriage.¹

So, what does a DTR actually look like? In the following conversation, Bill approaches Mary (no symbolic significance) about his feelings. This will make for an amusing conversation. Let's listen in...

Bill: "Thanks for meeting with me Mary."

Mary: "I had nothing better to do."

Bill: "Haha, good one. Well, I wanted to ask you to dinner, because the Lord has really laid something on my heart."

Mary: "Acid reflux?"

Bill: "Another good one. No, the Lord has shown me through militant prayer and His Word that I am ready to embark on a relationship. I feel like its God's timing."

Mary: "Good luck with that."

Bill: "Well, it's with you. I feel that the Lord wants me to come along side you and pour into you a vision for spiritual multiplication. We could honor the Lord in this."

Mary: "Come along side? So, are you saying you want to date me, because it would be much easier just to say that."

Bill: "I refrain from using the term 'dating,' because it's not in the Bible. I prefer to use the term 'courship.'"

Mary: "Well, 'trinity' is not in the Bible, but you happily use that term. Are you saying you want to marry me?"

Bill: "It's an intent that I have, and I want to be honest of my intentions. I don't want to be too serious to early..."

Mary: "It sounds rather serious to me."

Bill: "So, will you let me come along side you? I feel the Lord is telling me that the time is now."

Mary: "So then this decision is divinely inspired then and infallible?"

Bill: "Well, not really."

Mary: "You're right 'not really,' because it's not really going to happen."

Bill: "But we could be equally yolked."

Mary: "I'm not about pre-marital sex."

Ewww...burn. As my friend Lenny Tavernelli would say, "if you get your head cut off [turned down], pick it up and try again." Solid Lenny--solid.