The Dreaded DTR

Dread DTR GraphOf all the bad “Cam­pus Cru­sade for Christ lingo” my favorite is DTR or Define The Rela­tion­ship. This is a point where a Chris­t­ian man approaches a Chris­t­ian woman (it could never pos­si­bly be the other way around), and they have an awk­ward con­ver­sa­tion over their feel­ings. I have heard much of the “lingo” involved in one of these DTR’s, and I find it absolutely hilar­i­ous. While it’s good to acknowl­edge inten­tions, Chris­tians today have taken this con­cept and turned into some­thing bloated.

Let us look at the graphic to the right. Between num­bers 3/4 we usu­ally get the dreaded DTR. It is usu­ally done to dis­tin­guish between whether they are a 4 or a 5. As you can see, “dat­ing” (step 6) and being a boy/girlfriend are dif­fer­ent steps; what this means I don’t know, but there is appar­ently a dif­fer­ence. Also, you see the impor­tance of “reflec­tion” before embark­ing on steps 5, 6, and 7. What this means is appar­ently up to the indi­vid­ual reader. From this DTR track:

When two non-Christians find each other attrac­tive, they “date”. Why? Well…because some­how dress­ing to impress, spend­ing money on overly expen­sive food or show tick­ets, and pre­sent­ing a man­u­fac­tured self-image through rarely worn “date clothes” while wear­ing per­fume is the best way to find a com­pan­ion for life. At some point “the talk” hap­pens and the two par­ties tell each other how they really feel. This hap­pens after a fair amount of games, decep­tion, and “heart-hiding” occurs on both sides. Of course this path can lead to some­thing long-term, maybe even mar­riage.1

So, what does a DTR actu­ally look like? In the fol­low­ing con­ver­sa­tion, Bill approaches Mary (no sym­bolic sig­nif­i­cance) about his feel­ings. This will make for an amus­ing con­ver­sa­tion. Let’s lis­ten in…

Bill: “Thanks for meet­ing with me Mary.”

Mary: “I had noth­ing bet­ter to do.”

Bill: “Haha, good one. Well, I wanted to ask you to din­ner, because the Lord has really laid some­thing on my heart.”

Mary: “Acid reflux?”

Bill: “Another good one. No, the Lord has shown me through mil­i­tant prayer and His Word that I am ready to embark on a rela­tion­ship. I feel like its God’s timing.”

Mary: “Good luck with that.”

Bill: “Well, it’s with you. I feel that the Lord wants me to come along side you and pour into you a vision for spir­i­tual mul­ti­pli­ca­tion. We could honor the Lord in this.”

Mary: “Come along side? So, are you say­ing you want to date me, because it would be much eas­ier just to say that.”

Bill: “I refrain from using the term ‘dat­ing,’ because it’s not in the Bible. I pre­fer to use the term ‘courship.’”

Mary: “Well, ‘trin­ity’ is not in the Bible, but you hap­pily use that term. Are you say­ing you want to marry me?”

Bill: “It’s an intent that I have, and I want to be hon­est of my inten­tions. I don’t want to be too seri­ous to early…”

Mary: “It sounds rather seri­ous to me.”

Bill: “So, will you let me come along side you? I feel the Lord is telling me that the time is now.”

Mary: “So then this deci­sion is divinely inspired then and infallible?”

Bill: “Well, not really.”

Mary: “You’re right ‘not really,’ because it’s not really going to happen.”

Bill: “But we could be equally yolked.”

Mary: “I’m not about pre-marital sex.”

Ewww…burn. As my friend Lenny Tav­er­nelli would say, “if you get your head cut off [turned down], pick it up and try again.” Solid Lenny–solid.