The Wounds of a Friend

Solomon, a man blessed by God with wis­dom, gives us some of the most pro­found wis­dom regard­ing our inter-personal relationships:

“Bet­ter is open rebuke Than love that is con­cealed. Faith­ful are the wounds of a friend, But deceit­ful are the kisses of an enemy.” (Pro 27:5–6)

Reflect­ing on this often quoted pas­sage makes me real­ize how impor­tant this teach­ing is. Often we can be con­sumed with friend­ships that are only sur­face level and don’t chal­lenge us to grow and mature in our walks with God. A man can be sur­rounded by a count­less amount of peo­ple to praise him if that’s what he desires, but that kind of exis­tence is ill-advised and futile.

I have learned to deeply trea­sure the friends in my life that are open and hon­est with me no mat­ter how hard it might be to con­vey those thoughts. Think about some­one you love; with that per­son in mind try and imag­ine a rela­tion­ship with that per­son where you sim­ply love them under the sur­face. When they act inap­pro­pri­ately, you sim­ply keep it to your­self. If you truly love that per­son, as Solomon says, you will rebuke them. That doesn’t mean rebuke should form the focus of your rela­tion­ship, but you have entered a place where you are con­cerned enough with one another to tell one another the truth.

All those peo­ple who appear to be friends who will tell you what your flesh wants to hear proves they are not truly your friend. The wounds inflicted by a friend are far more valu­able, long-lasting, and God-honoring. When you are wounded in some way you learn a les­son that you avoid in the future (such as the pur­pose of pain). When you were a kid and touched the hot stove you learned quickly to not do that again, and your par­ents clearly con­vey that to you when you do. You learn and grow in expe­ri­ence and wis­dom from the event. Granted, the exam­ple of a stove is triv­ial; but it extends fur­ther into lessons on rela­tion­ships, life pur­suits, and our savor­ing of Jesus Christ through experience.

Cher­ish those friends that are hon­est even when it hurts. Those are the friends that care uncon­di­tion­ally for you in a man­ner rem­i­nis­cent of our heav­enly father. Those friends will be the ones that help “bear your bur­dens” (Gal 6:2). They will not desert when things are bad, and they will be joy­ful with you when those times come. They are invalu­able, and I am eter­nally grate­ful for God pro­vid­ing those friends.