On Marital “Joint Callings”
I recently had a discussion with some people from my church that proved quite enlightening (and the food was good). The topic of conversation was finding someone who had the “same” calling as you in choosing a mate. It’s something that I’ve certainly thought a lot about, and it wasn’t until recently that I realized that my theology of this was incorrect.
I thought that I should only marry someone who was called to the mission field as I was. Anything less than that would be frustrating and unfulfilling. Well, I realized that that is not what I should be looking for. I should instead be looking for someone that loves and trusts me enough to follow me wherever God is calling me. That seems to be the true measure of a biblical, God-ordained marriage.
The Greatest Love Story
Well, I should caveat that the “greatest” love story is that that God has for us in sending his son (John 3:16), but in terms of a model relationship I want to examine that of Jacob and Rachel.
Isaac sent Jacob to find a wife (Gen 28:1), and it was this endeavor that shows the depths of love a man should have for a woman. It is obvious in the next chapter that Jacob falls in love with Rachel instantly: “Then Jacob kissed Rachel, and lifted his voice and wept” (Gen 29:11). In fact, he loved her so he promised her father Laban that he would serve him for seven years for his daughter, but this didn’t phase Jacob because the years “seemed to him but a few days because of his love for her” (Gen 29:20).
After the seven years he asked for Rachel, but instead Laban tricked him to having sex with Leah after a feast (Gen 29: 23). Laban then tells Jacob that traditionally you marry the firstborn and therefore he needed to take the hand of Leah first (Gen 29:24). So Jacob took Leah and Leah even bore six children to Jacob before God gave a son to Rachel named Joseph. It is no coincidence that Jacob had a greater love for Joseph then the others. This jealousy led to the great story through the rest of Genesis.
Jacob didn’t ask Rachel if she shared the same calling. The unconditional and deep love they had for each other received the blessing of God and did fulfill the calling on both of their lives. Rachel loved Jacob enough to follow him wherever she needed to, and God blessed that commitment. It is a great picture of how Christ pursues his church!
A Careful Caveat
I understand that sharing a similar passion is important and fruitful, but I fear that to many Christians put that above the greater concern that God has for his institution of marriage. We can learn much from the example set forth by Jacob and Rachel.
Matt Martin, my dear friend and brother, once told me to find a woman that was running after Jesus as hard as you and that was the most important thing. Sure enough, he met his beautiful wife Ashley shortly after that, and they exemplify this lesson. It is a great thing to pursue Christ together and somehow God manages to work out the details!
Good points. In any instruction we’re given about marriage, finding good wives, etc., the focus seems to be on character qualities, not similar “callings”. I wonder if American individualism has anything to do with the common way of thinking that you describe at the beginning of the article — we each have our own individual life plans, and we have to fit all of our relationships into the paradigm of what we want to do in our own lives. At any rate, I think that, if God brings a godly man and woman together in marriage, that simply means that he is calling them to walk the same path — whatever it might be. Perhaps our callings aren’t as certain as we sometimes think. God’s ways are not our ways, and I think he might have a lot of surprises in store for us as we pursue him. Adoniram Judson had his sights set on India, but ended up in Burma. How many of us won’t have similar experiences when we look back on our lives?
Anyway, thanks for some good food-for-thought.
@Nathan: I definitely think you’re correct that American individualism perpetuates this ideology. In fact, I think it’s the root of it.
This is a great article. The focus on finding a mate that has exactly the same calling is exhausting, tedious and nearly impossible. I think this is, as chris and nathan said, rooted in our societies focus on what “God’s will” is for our lives. The bible points us to charactr traits to look for, never does it say that we are to find a mate that has the same calling as us.
@Chris: I would love to read some of your thoughts on physical fitness. What place does it have in a chistian’s life? What does the bible say about it? I don’t know. Wonderin what your thoughts were.
@Mike: Well, I don’t know for sure, but I know I need to get into better shape.
Ha ha…don’t we all. I haven’t seen any articles on physical fitness and was inquisitive. If you ever see anything send it my way.
Well Chris, I got on here to read what you have to say about the emergent church (I’ve been thinking heavily about this movement/concept recently… and I was thinking you had addressed it once) and then I ran into this article! I distinctly remember you telling me, as you pointed out the gym below where you lived, that you would NEVER use it. If you won’t use a free one located just below where you live… maybe you shouldn’t post an article an physical fitness?! :-) I’m just playing. I did join a gym recently. It’s great fun, as long as you don’t think about what you’re actually doing. Anyway, my two cents. If you post on physical fitness, I will look forward to reading it!
@Amanda: I don’t know if I want to write an article on that topic. I might be convicted!
Helpful thoughts.
I’ve known single people who’ve been waiting for a person who shares their sense of calling and it’s tragic. They just wait. If people just got busy pursuing the gospel then if God has marriage as a ministry for them it’ll come.